Synopsis of Never Saw It Coming

OK, so we just reread the previous posting, Never Saw It Coming, and I have to tell you, it didn't make a lick of sense to us, and and I'm the one who wrote it. Perhaps it's because we were running on 2 hours sleep in the previous twenty four hours when it was written. Here is a clearer synopsis of that posting.

I found out two days ago that the Margaret Josephine Holliday on my birth certificate was a total alias. You see, it turns out that my guardian mother (remember there was no adoption) was actually my aunt. My birth mother was the younger sister of my guardian mom. A family member finally told me the whole story. As he put it, it wasn't a pretty story, but it was a sweet one.

My birth mother, who was 3 months shy of her 14th birthday was "taken advantage of" by a boyfriend of my grandmother. After my birth, a childhood friend of my guardian mom's took me to her home for about 6 months "until things settled down" and my guardian parents decided they wanted me. They wanted to keep me in the family and they were the only ones in the family who were in a position to be able to take on the responsibilities of a baby.

My birth mother visited me often and cared for me and loved me until her death due to cancer 3 years later.

He said that everything they did, from falsifying my birth certificate to dreaming up a "neat and tidy" story to give me and everyone else was done to "protect" me from the fact that I was a product of a crime.

I cannot even begin to find the words to express how freeing it is to finally have the truth.

I Never Saw It Coming

Sorry it took so long to get this posted, but we had to take some time try to get our heads wrapped around this and contact some family members because we never saw this coming.

In Could It Be? Part II, I told you that I had talked to my very favorite cousin who said that she thought she remembered her mom saying that Lois was my birth mother. She also suggested that I talk to her older brother, T, because he was older and had a mind like a trap; once something gets in, he doesn't forget it. T is my guardian mother's sister's son. He, all my life, treated me like I was someone so very special to him. To me he was like a super great big brother, only without the sibling squabbles :)

Well, I emailed him, and he emailed back. Here is an excerpt of that email. My portions are in blue and his responses are in red: Does the name Lois Spencer ring a bell? If so, do you know how she plays into this? Yes.. I remember Lois well, Shar.. but she was not a member of the family but she was a very nice friend of our family. Could she be my birth mom, (No) or the one who got me from my birth mom and brought me to Harold and Juanita? Yes. L said she thought that your mom told her that Lois was my birth mother, but I have a copy of my original birth certificate and that's not the name listed for my birth mother. No.. Lois just kept you for a short while.. then you came back into the family. L wasn't born yet so she wouldn't remember a thing. The name listed on your birth certificate was an alias. Sorry, Sweetheart.. I know EXACTLY who your Mom was but I thought that you knew too... :(( Shar, Your REAL Mom was my very best Friend and protector when I was very, very little; she used to call me her "Sporty". The story isn't pretty, Sweetheart.. call me and I'll tell you all I know; I'm so sorry that I hadn't checked on that detail after your Dad (that would be my guardian dad) died.. thought he'd covered that base, I guess, but apparently not; in a way it's a very Sweet story....... On the other hand, I've had people from all over the country (called Search Angels) looking for the one who is listed, and no one could find a shred of evidence that she ever existed. No.. nor will they ever, of course... I know this is a long shot, but do you happen to have any pictures of this Lois? The reason I'm asking is because I did find a nephew of the man listed on my birth certificate as my birth father, Everett George Colwell. Everett's gone now, but the nephew sent me a couple of pictures of Everette's old girlfriends. One of them, I swear, is my birth mother. But, who is she? Is it Lois? I just don't know. Everett Colwell MIGHT or might NOT be your Father.. the name rings a bell but then.. I was only about 2-3 years old when you where born... Fear not.. I DO know who your Mom was... It would be nice to see the pictures you have.. I may know something about them too...Gosh, T, sorry for quizzing you like this, but anything that you might remember would be a huge help and appreciated more than you will ever know. Even a tiny, seemingly insignificant, thing you remember might just be the key to unlock this whole mystery. You wouldn't ever be able to guess, Sweetie!! :) You'll know most everything shortly, Sweet Girl.. but it would be better if we talked.. that way if you have any questions I'd be able to share what I know...

OMG!!! "Lois had you a while...then you came back into the family"!!!!! My birth mother was a blood relative to my guardian mom! My mind was racing while I dialed the phone. Busy signal. It couldn't be my guardian mom's two older sisters. Busy signal. They were already married and started their families. Busy signal. Crap, phone ring! Am I dialing the wrong number? Try again! It couldn't be my guardian mom's little sister. Busy signal. She would have only been 13 or 14 when I was conceived. Busy signal. Damn it phone, RING!!! Maybe it was one of my guardian mom's cousins I hadn't known about. "Hello? T? It's your cousin Shar."

I'm sure I woke him up. It was after midnight where he was. "Well hello", he said and then there was nothing but still air as if he was waiting for me to tell him why I was calling. I wanted to jump through the phone and drag the answers out of him. Now, in hind sight, I'm sure he was just trying to get his brain awake. Finally he started talking. "Before HS, (HS was the second husband of my guardian mom's mother. He was the one who shot and killed her) there was another man in grandma's life." "Grandma's my birth mother?" I don't have a clue why I lept to that conclusion. Patiently, he said "noh". "This man was not a very nice man." No s_ _ _, I thought, grandma never had any luck in finding a good man. "He took advantage of a sweet innocent child, P. Dear heart, your mother is P." P was my guardian mom's little sister! She was not quite fourteen when she was "taken advantage of". She had died of cancer when I was about 3 years old. My head was swimming, I had to put my head down on the counter I was standing at.

He went on to explain that the family did everything possible to keep it "hush-hush" to protect me. They used a fake name, age and every thing else, for my mother on my birth certificate. They sent me off to live with Lois until things "settled down" and my guardian parents decided they wanted to take me. There was no adoption because I was kept in the family.

I had so many more questions, but I wasn't capable of hearing any more of the story. Immediately after we hung up, Kim and I ran to get out the photo albums that my guardian dad had put together. There on the first page was a clue that we hadn't noticed before. There on the first page was a high school picture of P. All around it were baby pictures of me in the arms of my guardian mom.

Thank you T, for telling me the truth of my beginnings. I will always be grateful to you.

Could It Be? Part II

Over the weekend, Kim put four pictures side by side so that all of us could compare all four at once. The first picture was of M and Lois' grandmother on their father's side. The next picture, we call the lady on the rocks was a picture that the nephew of my birth father (Everett Colwell) sent me. It is a picture of one of Everett's girl friends. The third picture was a recent one of me, and the last was one of me taken 16 years ago.

When I saw all of the pictures lined up like that, it appeared to me that the "lady on the rocks" and my sixteen year ago picture were a match. And it also looked to me that my recent picture and the one of Lois and M's grandmother matched through the eyes. But was that just wishful thinking? I didn't know, but maybe?

We emailed the composite off to M. She quickly emailed back and said she was sure she is my Aunt M. She saw the same similarities I did and she was absolutely certain that "the lady on the rocks" is her sister, Lois. She sent the pictures to her daughter, J and another daughter. J sent the pictures to her daughter who is now in Afghanistan. All of them reported seeing family in all 4 pictures!

Last night, I got a phone call from my very favorite cousin. She is the daughter of my guardian mom's sister. As we cousins were growing up, to me, it felt more like we were sisters instead of cousins. She had been following our blog and felt she just had to call. Her mom had told her over the years bits and pieces of how I came to my guardian parents. She asked "do you know the name..." and before she could finish, I said "Lois". She said "Lois" and her last name, "I was waiting for you to say Lois" she said. She went on to say that this Lois was who she thought her mom told her my birth mother was! My heart leaped. Could it be.............?

We're planning on a trip to Florida to see M and her daughter, J in November. Today, I got information and pricing on DNA testing. I plan to take a DNA test kit with me when we go.

Could It Be?

OK, now the roller coaster goes up!

In my August 28 blog titled My Beginning, I talked about a lady named Lois who was a childhood friend of my guardian mom. I was told that Lois took me home from the hospital with her. I lived in her home for the first 6 months of my life until she brought me to my guardian parents.

Back in 1993, I had contacted Lois, who by then was living in Florida. She gave me the story that she met my birth mother at the OBGYN's office after she had had a miscarriage. My birth mother told her that she couldn't keep "the baby" and didn't know what to do. Lois told her that she would take "it" and met her out side the hospital doors and left with me. During the 6 months that I lived in her home, she called me Lois Ann. She claimed that she hadn't known my birth mother before then and she didn't know where she went. I asked her if her sister (I'll call her M) might know something and she begged me not to call her, saying the "she's had a hard life and this would upset her too much". She seemed so sincere about the condition of her sister that I could practically picture a poor, frail, ill woman. Who could call and "upset" someone in that condition?

Years passed and thanks to the Internet, I recently was able to find a phone number for M and gave her a call. I have to tell you that this woman is an awesomely incredible dynamo. She felt bad that Lois told me a story about her that wasn't true at all. She made me feel welcomed into her life and with each email and phone call, I could feel her love across the country. I sent her pictures of myself and she sent me a picture of herself and Lois. She and her daughter, J (who is also an awesomely incredible dynamo) have taken a deep interest in my search for my birth mother. So much so, that after an 8 hour drive to visit her sister Lois, whom she hadn't seen in 3 years, she asked Lois about "the baby" who lived with her for a while. She took time out of a visit with her sister to ask about me! Of course, Lois claimed to not remember anything about "the baby". Now M could have dropped it there with a "sorry, can't help you", but she didn't. Instead, she encouraged me to keep plugging away.

A few weeks later M's daughter J was in Southern California for business. She rented a car and drove 50+ miles to visit us, people she had never met before, for a Saturday afternoon. While here, she told us that she and her mom were very interested and wanted to help. She asked questions and gave information that she had.

Yesterday, again thanks to the Internet, I got Lois' phone number. My heart was pounding and I started to dial hung up, paced, and started to dial again over and over. Finally, I finished dialing and waited for an answer. She answered! I couldn't hang up now because I hate when I get hang ups. "Lois? I don't know if you remember me, this is Sharon, Harold and Juanita's daughter." Not only did she remember me, but she went into her story of how she met my birth mother at the doctor's office, took me home and called me Lois Ann. She kept stressing that "your mother gave you to me and I gave you to Harold and Juanita". She went on to say that I wasn't adopted because they didn't get involved in the courts because "she gave you to me and I gave you to them." This time she told me that she was at the doctor's office because she was pregnant. Really? Her first child was born in '46, I was born in '48 and her next child was born in '50. Did she have a 2 year pregnancy?

I asked her questions like "Did you know her before?" No "What was her name? Does Margaret Josephine Holliday ring a bell" She said she never new her name and that name didn't ring a bell." Huh? She took home the baby of a woman she had barely met and didn't even know her name?

This conversation got me thinking: "Was I a stolen baby? Is that why they wanted to avoid the courts? Was Lois really my birth mother? Maybe that's why they wanted to avoid the courts, she had used a fake name and therefore couldn't prove she was my birth mother when it came time to sign the papers."

I emailed M with the question of could it be possible that Lois was my birth mother. A flurry of email ensued. M emailed that she thought it could be possible that Lois was my birth mother. M sent me a picture of her grandmother because she thought she saw some similarities between us. I sent her a picture of Everett's girl friends. M replied that the one of the lady on the rocks looked like Lois and one of Lois' daughters. Later she emailed that the more she looked at it the more sure she is that it was Lois.

Could it be? Time will tell. I'm checking into getting DNA testing done. If Lois is my birth mother, I will have one absolutely fantastic aunt in M and an awesome cousin in J. If she isn't my birth mother, well, we now have two fabulous friends.